Saturday, October 24, 2009

Weekend Menaces: Special Edition

Technology has done a lot to bring the world closer together, and because of that, I'm going to present some special multi-cultural menaces.

Everybody knows that bears are a menace. But that wasn't enough for our commie friends in Russia. They had a bear that they describe as an ice-skating circus bear. It went off the reservation and slew some Russian circus folk. That's their story anyway. Go ahead and read it. Basically, the rooskies took a bear, strapped edged weapons to it, and then trained it in such a way as to hone its natural balance, reflexes, and coordination. In an obvious attempt at world domination, they created Ninja Bear. Ironically, that godless commie paid the ultimate price for playing god.

Further demonstrating their menacing North Asian ways, the Russians have contributed to the newest additions to the FBI's most wanted list. A ruthless mobster who is sometimes known as Semion Mogilevich likes to defraud people, and steal the daughters of Hungarians to sell into prostitution. Not a nice guy.

Also adding the the FBI's list is our neighbor to the south, Mexico. A hit man who works for the cartels that are responsible for the wave of crime along the border, Eduardo Ravelo uses any means necessary, including frequent plastic surgery, to elude capture.

And lastly, what other dangerous menace has come across that same border, eluding detection and leaving a trail of blood and fear in its path? The chupacabra, that's what. Only now, it's found in Russia, too. Coincedence? I think not.

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